Last night I went to see a movie with two of my good friends. On the ride home, I confessed to one of them that I usually select what movies I watch based on where they're filmed. Some of my favorite scenes in movies take place in some of the most incredible places, but what makes them stand out has nothing to do with where they took place, but the story behind them. I feel like too often, we spend too much time and thought comparing the scenes of our life to those of movies and books and we end up missing what is happening in the present.
Over the last year, I feel like my life has been bountiful in illustrious scenes, some amazing and awe inspiring and some heart-wrenching and humbling. I learned what it means to have nothing, but possess everything as I served amazing people in Mexico City. I took some unforgettable trips with close friends and found once again that it's not where you're at, but who you're with that makes life worthwhile. I lost my father far too soon and truly understood for the first time the importance of living life with no regrets. And, I took a job that excites and humbles me on a daily basis through the lives that are impacted by our work.
When I sit back and think about it, how are those experiences any different from scenes in a movie or book? Why do we feel the need to measure the value of our lives against unrealistic stories? After all, movies and books end more often than not in some sort of resolution. Our lives don't take a break to resolve themselves, the scenes keep rolling, and if we don't revel in each of these scenes, we're going to miss the moments that are changing and sculpting us.
No lyrics tonight, just an incredible piece from an amazing movie.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
worlds apart
I hit a wall today. I'm exhausted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I am tired of being strong, I'm tired of being the support, I'm tired of being responsible and I am completely heartbroken. I miss my dad so much it hurts. I've picked up my phone twice to call him today to talk baseball and life and each time it hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't know how to get past this point now and I feel stuck.
Grief is a funny thing. It's so necessary to have closure, but it's so difficult, that I have actually avoided it with everything in me. I have fought actually having to deal with loss, so that I could pretend like it didn't happen. If you know me really well, you know that the last few months I've kept myself pretty busy, to the point where I haven't been in Boone for a weekend in months. It's fine to keep yourself occupied, I suppose, but not when you do it to avoid something. I know I need to face this, even if I don't want to. I think that need to avoid it comes purely from fear, which becomes overwhelming.
I thought about fear a lot today and how it can affect our approach to relationships, experiences, and life in general. This made me think about one of my favorite verses in 2 Timothy-
"For God did not give us a spirit of fear or timidity, but a spirit of power and love and a sound mind."
Fear is an awful and powerful thing when it hinders us in so many aspects of life, which made me think. We weren't created to be fearful, at least not of life and opportunities and relationships and even tragedy. As difficult as it is, tragedy is a part of life and we must approach it with courage and a sense of peace, otherwise, we might as well give up the fight now. I hope and pray that I can do this bravely and willingly.
"So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide..." -Jars of Clay
Grief is a funny thing. It's so necessary to have closure, but it's so difficult, that I have actually avoided it with everything in me. I have fought actually having to deal with loss, so that I could pretend like it didn't happen. If you know me really well, you know that the last few months I've kept myself pretty busy, to the point where I haven't been in Boone for a weekend in months. It's fine to keep yourself occupied, I suppose, but not when you do it to avoid something. I know I need to face this, even if I don't want to. I think that need to avoid it comes purely from fear, which becomes overwhelming.
I thought about fear a lot today and how it can affect our approach to relationships, experiences, and life in general. This made me think about one of my favorite verses in 2 Timothy-
"For God did not give us a spirit of fear or timidity, but a spirit of power and love and a sound mind."
Fear is an awful and powerful thing when it hinders us in so many aspects of life, which made me think. We weren't created to be fearful, at least not of life and opportunities and relationships and even tragedy. As difficult as it is, tragedy is a part of life and we must approach it with courage and a sense of peace, otherwise, we might as well give up the fight now. I hope and pray that I can do this bravely and willingly.
"So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide..." -Jars of Clay
Thursday, April 29, 2010
fair fight
I'm having a bit of a dilemma right now. My heart is so incredibly heavy with sadness for something that has happened to a dear friend of mine. So heavy, in fact, that I feel a bit speechless, so I'll try to word this as best I can.
I'm almost at month two of the day we lost dad. It's hard to believe really, because it is still as fresh on my mind as the day it happened. That said, a dear and wonderful friend experienced a similar tragedy at the same time and has since had it happen again. Though I definitely can relate, I can't begin to understand how he is feeling. I do know that when you experience loss, it changes you, maybe a little, or maybe a lot. It's happened to me several times in 24 years and I can pinpoint the ways I've changed each time.
The thing that's made it bearable every single time though, are those that have helped me through it. My family has always been incredible in terms of providing support, but at an age where many of my friends are experiencing their first few years of true adulthood and independence, I have found that my friends who continue to surround me are the ones that are the most uplifting. The friends that realize you don't grieve someone in a couple days or even a couple months are the ones that are truly amazing. I know it is hard to understand certain things until they've happened to you, whether it be disease, loss, heartbreak, addiction, whatever. The amazing thing though, is to have the people around you that possibly don't understand the experience, but just know that it's important to be a friend and supporter. The ones that do this, not just the day and week after, but months and years after are the ones of true character and compassion. They understand that the memory of a loved one or a struggle you've faced never really goes away, no matter how long it's been.
So here's to the friends that God has placed in each of our lives to step in as our family away from home. Here's to the friends that get us, even when we're not ourselves. And here's to the friends that have inspired me to be the type of friend I want to be to others.
"So hold tight, this is not a fair fight..." -The Fray
I'm almost at month two of the day we lost dad. It's hard to believe really, because it is still as fresh on my mind as the day it happened. That said, a dear and wonderful friend experienced a similar tragedy at the same time and has since had it happen again. Though I definitely can relate, I can't begin to understand how he is feeling. I do know that when you experience loss, it changes you, maybe a little, or maybe a lot. It's happened to me several times in 24 years and I can pinpoint the ways I've changed each time.
The thing that's made it bearable every single time though, are those that have helped me through it. My family has always been incredible in terms of providing support, but at an age where many of my friends are experiencing their first few years of true adulthood and independence, I have found that my friends who continue to surround me are the ones that are the most uplifting. The friends that realize you don't grieve someone in a couple days or even a couple months are the ones that are truly amazing. I know it is hard to understand certain things until they've happened to you, whether it be disease, loss, heartbreak, addiction, whatever. The amazing thing though, is to have the people around you that possibly don't understand the experience, but just know that it's important to be a friend and supporter. The ones that do this, not just the day and week after, but months and years after are the ones of true character and compassion. They understand that the memory of a loved one or a struggle you've faced never really goes away, no matter how long it's been.
So here's to the friends that God has placed in each of our lives to step in as our family away from home. Here's to the friends that get us, even when we're not ourselves. And here's to the friends that have inspired me to be the type of friend I want to be to others.
"So hold tight, this is not a fair fight..." -The Fray
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
my old friend...
Alright, I've been slacking big time on the blog. I kept making excuses for not writing, like the fact that I had nothing to write about, which may in fact, be true. However, now, I definitely have something to write about after this weekend.
One of my best friends in the entire world got married this weekend. My mom's best friend from high school, Merideth, had a son Drew. Merideth has always been my second mom and Drew has pretty much been the brother I never had. Drew and I grew up together, and when I say grew up together, I mean, we really grew up together. When we were little, Drew, my sister and I were all tossed in the bath tub together and he tattled on me for stuff I didn't do, like a brother would. I remember the day he got his driver's license and asking him to come to my high school homecoming because he was a better dancer than anyone at my school. Drew has meant the world to me my entire life, so when he called and told me he was thinking about proposing to his girlfriend, I jumped into protective mode.
For college, Drew went off to FSU and then moved to DC, so distance prevented me from meeting the girl I'd heard so much about. Then, while I was visiting Atlanta over Christmas two years ago, I finally met Kathy. Wow. I told her the night before their wedding that I could've searched the world over twice and found no one more fitting for Drew than her. The two of them compliment each other as perfectly as a married couple could. They are best friends, share the same values, and they make each other laugh. Did I mention that Kathy also happens to be my second cousin? Long story for another day, but now by marriage, I'm officially related to the guy I've always called my brother.
Drew and Kathy, I love the two of you so much and I couldn't be happier for you. Thank you so much for letting me in to share such a great weekend with you and thank you for sharing your friends! What an incredible and fun group!
"My old friend, I recall
The times we had hanging on my wall
I wouldn't trade them for gold
Cause they laugh and they cry me
Somehow sanctify me
They're woven in the stories I have told
And tell again..." -Tim McGraw
One of my best friends in the entire world got married this weekend. My mom's best friend from high school, Merideth, had a son Drew. Merideth has always been my second mom and Drew has pretty much been the brother I never had. Drew and I grew up together, and when I say grew up together, I mean, we really grew up together. When we were little, Drew, my sister and I were all tossed in the bath tub together and he tattled on me for stuff I didn't do, like a brother would. I remember the day he got his driver's license and asking him to come to my high school homecoming because he was a better dancer than anyone at my school. Drew has meant the world to me my entire life, so when he called and told me he was thinking about proposing to his girlfriend, I jumped into protective mode.
For college, Drew went off to FSU and then moved to DC, so distance prevented me from meeting the girl I'd heard so much about. Then, while I was visiting Atlanta over Christmas two years ago, I finally met Kathy. Wow. I told her the night before their wedding that I could've searched the world over twice and found no one more fitting for Drew than her. The two of them compliment each other as perfectly as a married couple could. They are best friends, share the same values, and they make each other laugh. Did I mention that Kathy also happens to be my second cousin? Long story for another day, but now by marriage, I'm officially related to the guy I've always called my brother.
Drew and Kathy, I love the two of you so much and I couldn't be happier for you. Thank you so much for letting me in to share such a great weekend with you and thank you for sharing your friends! What an incredible and fun group!
"My old friend, I recall
The times we had hanging on my wall
I wouldn't trade them for gold
Cause they laugh and they cry me
Somehow sanctify me
They're woven in the stories I have told
And tell again..." -Tim McGraw
Thursday, April 1, 2010
love
The last couple weeks I've really been digging into the book of Job. Some might think my reading this book given my circumstances right now makes me a glutton for punishment, and to be honest, I thought so too for a little while. Job is essentially, a book about suffering. This guy loses everything; his family, health, possessions, wealth. You name it, it's gone. Job went from "having everything" in human understanding, to having absolutely nothing.
Now I definitely don't think I've lost everything in the last few weeks. I still miss my dad more every day and then when you add recent events on top of that, you could say that life has been a little frustrating. But then I get home at night and I read about this guy who has suffered some of the toughest circumstances, only to get down his knees and praise God for what he is doing in Job's life. Job took the time to step back and appreciate God's creation, each little thing in it and each tiny blessing that we tend to forget in the busyness of our days. Then, he finds a revelation in everything that most of us are way to distracted to recognize or understand. He realizes it is not all about him, it's about a much bigger plan.
Simple, but pretty intense, right? These tragic, life changing events that come our way effect us, yes. But their purpose may not always be directly related to us. I realize that now more than ever when I see how my dad's family, who has been somewhat broken and in conflict, has come back together to love and support one another. We've started to build relationships again. As hard as it is for me to say, this wouldn't have happened with dad still here. Dad had to be the one taken for these relationships to mend. Losing dad is also helping people that may have never been helped when he was alive, as we decided to receive donations to Wine to Water in lieu of flowers. Enough money has been donated at this point to build four wells in Cambodia. These wells will provide clean water to hundreds of people, thus, saving many of them from life threatening diseases.
Make no mistake, each thing that has come from the passing of dad was in no way coincidental, there was master plan and purpose behind it, and that is what I find comfort in.
"Is it having so little
And yet having it all..." Sugarland
Now I definitely don't think I've lost everything in the last few weeks. I still miss my dad more every day and then when you add recent events on top of that, you could say that life has been a little frustrating. But then I get home at night and I read about this guy who has suffered some of the toughest circumstances, only to get down his knees and praise God for what he is doing in Job's life. Job took the time to step back and appreciate God's creation, each little thing in it and each tiny blessing that we tend to forget in the busyness of our days. Then, he finds a revelation in everything that most of us are way to distracted to recognize or understand. He realizes it is not all about him, it's about a much bigger plan.
Simple, but pretty intense, right? These tragic, life changing events that come our way effect us, yes. But their purpose may not always be directly related to us. I realize that now more than ever when I see how my dad's family, who has been somewhat broken and in conflict, has come back together to love and support one another. We've started to build relationships again. As hard as it is for me to say, this wouldn't have happened with dad still here. Dad had to be the one taken for these relationships to mend. Losing dad is also helping people that may have never been helped when he was alive, as we decided to receive donations to Wine to Water in lieu of flowers. Enough money has been donated at this point to build four wells in Cambodia. These wells will provide clean water to hundreds of people, thus, saving many of them from life threatening diseases.
Make no mistake, each thing that has come from the passing of dad was in no way coincidental, there was master plan and purpose behind it, and that is what I find comfort in.
"Is it having so little
And yet having it all..." Sugarland
Thursday, March 11, 2010
when you come back down
I love to write. Most times, writing brings me great joy and release, however, I'm hoping this time, writing will bring me some understanding and healing. I lost my Dad over a week ago. As I sit here and write this, I'm still having a hard time believing it. Dad fell at his house in Georgia and never regained consciousness.
I am filled with so many emotions right now; regret, devastation and confusion to name a few. The bond between a girl and her dad is a unique one, and one that can't be replaced or duplicated. Growing up, I assumed Dad would be there for all the major events of my adult life and it's hard now for me to imagine those moments without him. Unfortunately our relationship changed over the last few year as he battled different issues. It became me trying to save him and fix him, a process that proved to be painful and hard, but I suppose that's what you do when you love someone.
I've come to the realization now that I have to remember the great things about Dad, the things he taught me, the things he did to make me laugh and the things he did to make me proud. His service was last Monday and it was filled with everyone from his childhood to recent friends. I had the incredible opportunity to speak at his service, a moment I am sure will bring some healing and wanted to share a bit of what I said about him.
Dad always took a genuine interest in what other people were doing- what they were involved in, what their passions were, the things they cared about. For Dad and my sister, Caroline, the interests and passions were often the same- Caroline loves the Gamecocks, she loves sports and she has Dad’s great sense of humor.
For me, the interests weren’t always the same, though I enjoy sports, I wasn’t a great athlete in high school or college, I was a band nerd that enjoyed volunteering and student council. When I got to college, I made the decision to attend Appalachian State over a big SEC school. I took a different path, but it didn’t matter, Dad still cared and he still got involved. He supported it all.
Dad also taught Caroline and I many, many things, the most important being perseverance. This is one of the reasons Romans 5:3-5 has been my favorite passages, because it reminds me of Dad. Dad was resilient and determined. He taught us that if you fail at something once to continue trying, even if it takes you 20 times to get it right.
I think the battles Dad fought made all of us stronger. The night Dad passed away, I opened up A Million Miles and my eyes fell immediately on this passage:
“The story made us different characters than if we’d showed up at the ending an easier way. It made me think about the hard lives so many people have had, the sacrifices they’ve endured, and how those people will see heaven differently from those of us who have had easier lives.”
Those battles and struggles pushed all of us and I'm thankful they did, especially for Dad because he's getting to see heaven in a much greater way. And as Coach Richardson said at the service, "he's playing for the BEST team now."
"When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play..." Nickel Creek
I am filled with so many emotions right now; regret, devastation and confusion to name a few. The bond between a girl and her dad is a unique one, and one that can't be replaced or duplicated. Growing up, I assumed Dad would be there for all the major events of my adult life and it's hard now for me to imagine those moments without him. Unfortunately our relationship changed over the last few year as he battled different issues. It became me trying to save him and fix him, a process that proved to be painful and hard, but I suppose that's what you do when you love someone.
I've come to the realization now that I have to remember the great things about Dad, the things he taught me, the things he did to make me laugh and the things he did to make me proud. His service was last Monday and it was filled with everyone from his childhood to recent friends. I had the incredible opportunity to speak at his service, a moment I am sure will bring some healing and wanted to share a bit of what I said about him.
Dad always took a genuine interest in what other people were doing- what they were involved in, what their passions were, the things they cared about. For Dad and my sister, Caroline, the interests and passions were often the same- Caroline loves the Gamecocks, she loves sports and she has Dad’s great sense of humor.
For me, the interests weren’t always the same, though I enjoy sports, I wasn’t a great athlete in high school or college, I was a band nerd that enjoyed volunteering and student council. When I got to college, I made the decision to attend Appalachian State over a big SEC school. I took a different path, but it didn’t matter, Dad still cared and he still got involved. He supported it all.
Dad also taught Caroline and I many, many things, the most important being perseverance. This is one of the reasons Romans 5:3-5 has been my favorite passages, because it reminds me of Dad. Dad was resilient and determined. He taught us that if you fail at something once to continue trying, even if it takes you 20 times to get it right.
I think the battles Dad fought made all of us stronger. The night Dad passed away, I opened up A Million Miles and my eyes fell immediately on this passage:
“The story made us different characters than if we’d showed up at the ending an easier way. It made me think about the hard lives so many people have had, the sacrifices they’ve endured, and how those people will see heaven differently from those of us who have had easier lives.”
Those battles and struggles pushed all of us and I'm thankful they did, especially for Dad because he's getting to see heaven in a much greater way. And as Coach Richardson said at the service, "he's playing for the BEST team now."
"When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play..." Nickel Creek
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
ever the same
It's days like this that make me thankful for the people in my life. A VERY early morning, followed by a work day where I couldn't seem to keep my head on straight was ended with a migraine and more tough news from the family.
I'm learning though that in each of these situations, I'm being pushed to understand more about myself and my purpose. I'm finally understanding that this is a continual process and the hits will continue to come. With that said, I'm using this particular post as an opportunity to thank a few people and groups that have really made an impact and taught me something in the last few months. There are many many more of you than what's below, but this particular group really is like family...
Mom and Herb- It's hard to know where to begin, but I do know this. The two of you have taught me what it means to love without question, to always support and to always have hope. You have seen me through so many difficult times and I have learned more just from watching both of you than you will ever realize.
Merp- My second mom. You are always there to back us up and to give great outside perspective. My childhood would not have been the same without you and Drew and Don has been the icing on the cake. I love you guys.
Fowler, Perry, Davis family- I love every minute I get to spend with all of you. You all are definitely the biggest support system I have and I couldn't be happier to have aunts, uncles and cousins like all of you. I really don't know many people that have the great opportunity to be as close with their family and it's truly a blessing to have all of you because you each contribute something different.
The girls and PK- SDC, Kim, Stacie, Amanda... You have been my piece of mind, sanity and comic relief. All of you mean SO much to me and I hope you know that. You have provided me with everything from a hand in moving to a place to live. I really would be homeless without most of you! You are my Boone family and I love ya'll so so very much.
Alumni ladies- What a dynamic and compassionate group of people! Each one of you brings something completely different to the table which is why that office is by far one of the best on campus. You are definitely a part of my Boone family too and I hope to stay in touch with all of you for many many years to come.
Annie and Doc- You have provided me with the opportunity to come home every day with a true feeling of contentment. What you have done in the last few years has literally inspired and changed the lives of so many people and I am so honored to be a part of it. Doc, your passion for others is contagious and has a great impact on the success of the organization. You also have an incredible family and I'm so excited to get to know them more. Annie... seriously, you are superwoman. I wake up every morning excited to come to work with you. Thank you so much for being patient with me, you are a great teacher. And yes, you're both UNBELIEVABLE!
Mary E.- You're an ocean away and I miss you like crazy. Thanks for being my best friend for TEN years!! I'm so excited about your life in London and I appreciate the fact that you continue to make such an effort to keep in touch. Love you and the Claudster tons.
Cornerstone family- Your thoughts, prayers and encouragement have pushed, challenged and forced me to grow more in one year than I have in my entire life. You have had such an incredible impact on my faith and I want you all to know how much you still mean to me. You are an amazing and inspiring group of people and I am blessed to know each one of you.
I'm learning though that in each of these situations, I'm being pushed to understand more about myself and my purpose. I'm finally understanding that this is a continual process and the hits will continue to come. With that said, I'm using this particular post as an opportunity to thank a few people and groups that have really made an impact and taught me something in the last few months. There are many many more of you than what's below, but this particular group really is like family...
Mom and Herb- It's hard to know where to begin, but I do know this. The two of you have taught me what it means to love without question, to always support and to always have hope. You have seen me through so many difficult times and I have learned more just from watching both of you than you will ever realize.
Merp- My second mom. You are always there to back us up and to give great outside perspective. My childhood would not have been the same without you and Drew and Don has been the icing on the cake. I love you guys.
Fowler, Perry, Davis family- I love every minute I get to spend with all of you. You all are definitely the biggest support system I have and I couldn't be happier to have aunts, uncles and cousins like all of you. I really don't know many people that have the great opportunity to be as close with their family and it's truly a blessing to have all of you because you each contribute something different.
The girls and PK- SDC, Kim, Stacie, Amanda... You have been my piece of mind, sanity and comic relief. All of you mean SO much to me and I hope you know that. You have provided me with everything from a hand in moving to a place to live. I really would be homeless without most of you! You are my Boone family and I love ya'll so so very much.
Alumni ladies- What a dynamic and compassionate group of people! Each one of you brings something completely different to the table which is why that office is by far one of the best on campus. You are definitely a part of my Boone family too and I hope to stay in touch with all of you for many many years to come.
Annie and Doc- You have provided me with the opportunity to come home every day with a true feeling of contentment. What you have done in the last few years has literally inspired and changed the lives of so many people and I am so honored to be a part of it. Doc, your passion for others is contagious and has a great impact on the success of the organization. You also have an incredible family and I'm so excited to get to know them more. Annie... seriously, you are superwoman. I wake up every morning excited to come to work with you. Thank you so much for being patient with me, you are a great teacher. And yes, you're both UNBELIEVABLE!
Mary E.- You're an ocean away and I miss you like crazy. Thanks for being my best friend for TEN years!! I'm so excited about your life in London and I appreciate the fact that you continue to make such an effort to keep in touch. Love you and the Claudster tons.
Cornerstone family- Your thoughts, prayers and encouragement have pushed, challenged and forced me to grow more in one year than I have in my entire life. You have had such an incredible impact on my faith and I want you all to know how much you still mean to me. You are an amazing and inspiring group of people and I am blessed to know each one of you.
Monday, February 15, 2010
walk down this mountain
Alright, I know I've referenced A Million Miles probably one too many times, but I won't apologize, it's incredible. I actually finished the book, but have since gone back through in an attempt to really take note of the parts that had an impact on me. There's on paragraph toward the end of the book that I found to really speak to some of the struggles I witness too much in those close to me.
"I don't ever want to go back to believing life is meaningless. I know there are biochemical causes for some forms of depression, but I wish people who struggle against dark thought would risk their hopes on living a good story - by that I mean finding a team of people doing hard work for a noble cause, and joining them. I think they'd be surprised at how soon their sad thoughts would dissipate, if for no other reason than they didn't have time to think them anymore. There would be too much work to do, too many scenes to write."
Now, I don't struggle with dark thoughts or depression on a daily basis, but I think we all have those moments were it seems the world is against us and we can't seem to reach the surface or break even. I've also experienced how devastating depression can be second-hand by walking through it with others. It is a struggle and a fight every day for those that suffer from it. However, I think setting your mind to do satisfying work really is half the battle. When I think of the people in my life who are sad and unsatisfied a majority of the time, I realize that these people's lives would radically alter if they would focus on something outside of and bigger than themselves. I'm not saying everyone should quit their job or move or end relationships, I am saying that finding something everyday that gives you purpose, reason, happiness is ESSENTIAL. In fact, I'm willing to bet that most people get more gratification out of doing one small act of kindness every day for a complete stranger than they do when they open their paycheck at the end of the month. If you're saying, "No, I like the paycheck," then I strongly encourage you to step back and take a look at what's really important in your life. That said, find that little piece of happiness or gratification in something bigger than you or what's immediately around you, and invest enough of yourself in it so that you have "too many scenes to write."
"If a blistered hand is what you've given, then you've been given all you'll ever need to know..." Bebo Norman
"I don't ever want to go back to believing life is meaningless. I know there are biochemical causes for some forms of depression, but I wish people who struggle against dark thought would risk their hopes on living a good story - by that I mean finding a team of people doing hard work for a noble cause, and joining them. I think they'd be surprised at how soon their sad thoughts would dissipate, if for no other reason than they didn't have time to think them anymore. There would be too much work to do, too many scenes to write."
Now, I don't struggle with dark thoughts or depression on a daily basis, but I think we all have those moments were it seems the world is against us and we can't seem to reach the surface or break even. I've also experienced how devastating depression can be second-hand by walking through it with others. It is a struggle and a fight every day for those that suffer from it. However, I think setting your mind to do satisfying work really is half the battle. When I think of the people in my life who are sad and unsatisfied a majority of the time, I realize that these people's lives would radically alter if they would focus on something outside of and bigger than themselves. I'm not saying everyone should quit their job or move or end relationships, I am saying that finding something everyday that gives you purpose, reason, happiness is ESSENTIAL. In fact, I'm willing to bet that most people get more gratification out of doing one small act of kindness every day for a complete stranger than they do when they open their paycheck at the end of the month. If you're saying, "No, I like the paycheck," then I strongly encourage you to step back and take a look at what's really important in your life. That said, find that little piece of happiness or gratification in something bigger than you or what's immediately around you, and invest enough of yourself in it so that you have "too many scenes to write."
"If a blistered hand is what you've given, then you've been given all you'll ever need to know..." Bebo Norman
Friday, February 12, 2010
fire and rain
Yesterday was in fact, a great day. Because of our nice little blizzard, I got to sleep in, drink and entire pot of coffee and then go in to a job that I absolutely love more and more every day. I came home for a low key night with my roommate because I've been feeling a little under the weather. I was seriously having one of those moments where I thought, "It doesn't get much better than this."
Granted, it was a simple, normal day, nothing notably different than any other, but I appreciated that about it. I then got a phone call late last night that turned that around a little. I won't go into detail, but I received some very sad and disheartening news, news I had also been expecting for the last few months. Needless to say, I lost a lot of sleep last night, not because I was necessarily upset, but because I was trying to make sense of it all.
Then I remembered a conversation I had with a friend just earlier that day. He asked me why Romans 5:3-5 was one of my favorite passages of scripture. I told him that I found this passage to be a great reminder that no matter how difficult our suffering or pain, we have to trust that God is producing something great out of us. Often times, we won't know what that is until long after the fact, but it is always part of his plan and that in itself is comfort to me. And in case you aren't familiar, may I introduce you to Romans 5:3-5...
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
So, I'll approach today with purpose, knowing that I don't need to make sense of things right now, but trusting that they're happening to produce something within me, and perhaps within the person that they impacted even more than me.
"Ask me now I'll give you the reasons my love with not fade, through the fire and rain..." -Mat Kearney
Granted, it was a simple, normal day, nothing notably different than any other, but I appreciated that about it. I then got a phone call late last night that turned that around a little. I won't go into detail, but I received some very sad and disheartening news, news I had also been expecting for the last few months. Needless to say, I lost a lot of sleep last night, not because I was necessarily upset, but because I was trying to make sense of it all.
Then I remembered a conversation I had with a friend just earlier that day. He asked me why Romans 5:3-5 was one of my favorite passages of scripture. I told him that I found this passage to be a great reminder that no matter how difficult our suffering or pain, we have to trust that God is producing something great out of us. Often times, we won't know what that is until long after the fact, but it is always part of his plan and that in itself is comfort to me. And in case you aren't familiar, may I introduce you to Romans 5:3-5...
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
So, I'll approach today with purpose, knowing that I don't need to make sense of things right now, but trusting that they're happening to produce something within me, and perhaps within the person that they impacted even more than me.
"Ask me now I'll give you the reasons my love with not fade, through the fire and rain..." -Mat Kearney
Friday, February 5, 2010
all i want
There's something I've been thinking about a lot the last few days...Openness. Obviously over the last few weeks I've been really trying to take an in depth look at my approach to life, to people, to relationships and most importantly, to my faith. My faith is something I will never shy away from talking about when approached, and so I find that sometimes that spills over into other aspects of my life, leaving me to ask if I'm too open with others?
I think the people I've learned from the most have been the people who have really given me a chance and let me in. So here's my question- why can't we all just be honest and open with each other? I know many of us often times feel like we have something to hide. Perhaps it's a secret or a past that we're ashamed of, or maybe we're afraid of getting hurt yet again if we let another person into our life. That last one I definitely understand. I think many of us get to a point after suffering loss more times than we can count where we figure there's no point in letting others in and we build a wall.
Here's the thing though, what's the point of living life if you can't share it and enjoy it with others? That's why God gave us friends, family, loved ones, and even our furry friends. So here it is... I'm over building walls. It would be a shame to shut someone out that may end up making an incredible impact on your life.
"Nothing's so cold
As closing the heart when all we need is to free the soul..." Toad the Wet Sprocket
I think the people I've learned from the most have been the people who have really given me a chance and let me in. So here's my question- why can't we all just be honest and open with each other? I know many of us often times feel like we have something to hide. Perhaps it's a secret or a past that we're ashamed of, or maybe we're afraid of getting hurt yet again if we let another person into our life. That last one I definitely understand. I think many of us get to a point after suffering loss more times than we can count where we figure there's no point in letting others in and we build a wall.
Here's the thing though, what's the point of living life if you can't share it and enjoy it with others? That's why God gave us friends, family, loved ones, and even our furry friends. So here it is... I'm over building walls. It would be a shame to shut someone out that may end up making an incredible impact on your life.
"Nothing's so cold
As closing the heart when all we need is to free the soul..." Toad the Wet Sprocket
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
10,000 children
I may have had a minor breakdown on Monday. I assure you, I held it together enough to not have a panic-attack or anything, but inside my head, I was freaking out a little. I let the stress of tying up loose-ends at one job, starting another and moving houses get to me. I also had the nerve to let issues with my family get to me too.
Being human, I immediately called a couple people that I'm close to and they both said, "Chelsea, stop for a second, breathe, and pray." Of course. Why didn't I go straight to prayer? Why do we so often forget the importance of prayer and presenting our thanks, requests, and concerns to God before anything or anyone else? The second I stopped long enough to talk to God I realized that everything I've got going on right now is great. Let's rephrase that, it's better than great, it's life-changing and truly incredible.
Why do I even have the nerve to complain and be anxious about such things when there are people in Haiti wondering if they'll make it to the next day? Why do we become so caught up in our day to day lives that we forget about those around us that are suffering far worse circumstances?
I started my job with Wine to Water today and given the events in the world and in my life over the last few weeks, it is so clear that God's timing is truly perfect. I have so much to learn with the organization, but I am so excited and honored just to be a part of it. It is insanely refreshing to be a part of something so much bigger than your immediate surroundings and to be around people that are truly and genuinely invested in helping others.
"10,000 children are my invitation to change
To continue in excess now suddenly feels oh so strange
Prayers and money should not be confused,
But I pray that both still are used
Only love can save us all..." -Dave Barnes
Being human, I immediately called a couple people that I'm close to and they both said, "Chelsea, stop for a second, breathe, and pray." Of course. Why didn't I go straight to prayer? Why do we so often forget the importance of prayer and presenting our thanks, requests, and concerns to God before anything or anyone else? The second I stopped long enough to talk to God I realized that everything I've got going on right now is great. Let's rephrase that, it's better than great, it's life-changing and truly incredible.
Why do I even have the nerve to complain and be anxious about such things when there are people in Haiti wondering if they'll make it to the next day? Why do we become so caught up in our day to day lives that we forget about those around us that are suffering far worse circumstances?
I started my job with Wine to Water today and given the events in the world and in my life over the last few weeks, it is so clear that God's timing is truly perfect. I have so much to learn with the organization, but I am so excited and honored just to be a part of it. It is insanely refreshing to be a part of something so much bigger than your immediate surroundings and to be around people that are truly and genuinely invested in helping others.
"10,000 children are my invitation to change
To continue in excess now suddenly feels oh so strange
Prayers and money should not be confused,
But I pray that both still are used
Only love can save us all..." -Dave Barnes
Sunday, January 24, 2010
redemption song
Talk about a packed weekend! As I finish up my duties at ASU, I'm also attempting to dive head first into my new position with Wine to Water. After wrapping up our half-day Alumni Council meeting yesterday, I moved a few more things into my new home (thank you, Stacie, I owe you BIG time). Then, after sitting down for a grand total of about 10 seconds, it was off to Banner Elk for the second Wine to Water event of the weekend.
A couple of fabulous ladies from the High Country put both of these events together in less than a week. They both felt the urgency to do something for the victims of the earthquake in Haiti and literally sprang into action. Friday and Saturday's events raised over $9,000!
Wouldn't it be incredible if EVERYONE was this eager to help one another all the time?
Doc, our founder is in the DR right now and will head to Haiti in the morning to assess the water situation in the area. The survivors are in dire need of clean water, so it's important for us to do everything we can to help.
Speaking of helping in Haiti, if making a straight donation is not really your thing, check out the link below. The founders, both Mountaineers and great guys, have designed a shirt that will send %100 of sales proceeds to the Red Cross. They're amazing shirts, I own three, and I assure you, you'll never, ever find a more comfortable t-shirt.
"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery,
None but ourselves can free our mind..." Bob Marley
A couple of fabulous ladies from the High Country put both of these events together in less than a week. They both felt the urgency to do something for the victims of the earthquake in Haiti and literally sprang into action. Friday and Saturday's events raised over $9,000!
Wouldn't it be incredible if EVERYONE was this eager to help one another all the time?
Doc, our founder is in the DR right now and will head to Haiti in the morning to assess the water situation in the area. The survivors are in dire need of clean water, so it's important for us to do everything we can to help.
Speaking of helping in Haiti, if making a straight donation is not really your thing, check out the link below. The founders, both Mountaineers and great guys, have designed a shirt that will send %100 of sales proceeds to the Red Cross. They're amazing shirts, I own three, and I assure you, you'll never, ever find a more comfortable t-shirt.
"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery,
None but ourselves can free our mind..." Bob Marley
Thursday, January 21, 2010
keep it lose, keep it tight
I promise I'll get off my "live life to the fullest, cherish the people around you" sappy kick, but not quite yet. I'm just into life right now and if you're reading this, then I'm sorry to say, you're going to have to deal with it. :)
I'm reading an incredible book right now by my favorite author, Donald Miller. The book is called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years." I've read almost every book this guy has written because he has such a refreshing take on life and Christianity. I highly recommend any of his books, believer or non-believer, I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy any of them.
In this particular book, Miller talks a lot about how we create the stories of our lives and what it would be like to go back and edit them if we could. I came across a great quote while I was reading last night that really hit home for me.
"People love to have lived a great story, but few people like the work it takes to make it happen."
Simple, but so very true. Looking back, I've found that the most influential people on my life have been the ones that constantly put in the work to creating unique and memorable experiences in their lives- they created great stories. Which brings me to my next point... one that I've been hitting on a lot lately. Who are you surrounding yourself with? It's hard to create the great stories of your life if you're surrounding yourself with negative, passive, unmotivated people. When you go to heaven and you and God sit down to look back on the story of your life, what will you talk about? Will it be a great story or did you just do what you could to get by?
Make the change. Chase your passions. Pursue your goals. Create an amazing story.
"Sometimes we forget what we got
And who we are and who we are not
I think we got a chance to make it right..." Amos Lee
I'm reading an incredible book right now by my favorite author, Donald Miller. The book is called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years." I've read almost every book this guy has written because he has such a refreshing take on life and Christianity. I highly recommend any of his books, believer or non-believer, I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy any of them.
In this particular book, Miller talks a lot about how we create the stories of our lives and what it would be like to go back and edit them if we could. I came across a great quote while I was reading last night that really hit home for me.
"People love to have lived a great story, but few people like the work it takes to make it happen."
Simple, but so very true. Looking back, I've found that the most influential people on my life have been the ones that constantly put in the work to creating unique and memorable experiences in their lives- they created great stories. Which brings me to my next point... one that I've been hitting on a lot lately. Who are you surrounding yourself with? It's hard to create the great stories of your life if you're surrounding yourself with negative, passive, unmotivated people. When you go to heaven and you and God sit down to look back on the story of your life, what will you talk about? Will it be a great story or did you just do what you could to get by?
Make the change. Chase your passions. Pursue your goals. Create an amazing story.
"Sometimes we forget what we got
And who we are and who we are not
I think we got a chance to make it right..." Amos Lee
Sunday, January 17, 2010
two coins
I want to touch on something that is of great importance to me: family. Boring and cliché subject to some, I'm sure, but there's a little more to it than that. I have been lucky enough in the last few months to spend a lot of time with my cousin, Michael. In fact, I just got back from spending the weekend with him and his girlfriend, Kelli, who by the way, has become a wonderful and close friend.
My relationship with the two of them has really brought to light not only how important it is to keep up with your family, but also how important it is to build friendships with the people in your family.
I'm right in the middle of a very hectic, stressful, and exciting point in my life. I'm transitioning careers and moving and in the process, trying to grasp the idea that my life is about to change in an unbelievable way. All that said, I typically shut people out when I have a lot on my plate. I buckle down and finish each task before I allow myself to enjoy life a little. My time with Michael and Kelli this weekend served as a great reminder that it's ok to stop and enjoy the people around you as you are going through a process or striving for a goal. After all, the people that you should keep closest to you are the ones who are pushing you toward those goals anyway.
I'm so grateful to have these two in my life. They have provided great encouragement and support, and most importantly, a good laugh during times when I've needed to lighten up.
"Go ahead and laugh 'cause it don't cost much..." -Dispatch
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
hundred
Today was a monumental day in my life. I made a decision that will no doubt, prove to be life altering and difficult. However, I know with every fiber in my being that I am doing the right thing. So, instead of rambling on, here's what happened:
Last week I e-mailed my friend, Annie Clawson to ask if I could meet with her to get information on starting a non-profit. It has been a goal of mine for sometime now to start an organization that raises money and awareness for ovarian cancer research. Annie works for an organization called Wine to Water. If you watched the news, particularly CNN at all this year, you've probably heard of it. Annie, and founder Doc Hendley have dedicated their lives to helping solve the water crisis through Wine to Water. It's an incredible organization that I fully and eagerly support. Much to my surprise, my meeting with Annie turned into an interview with her and Doc to discuss the potential of working for the organization. When I was contacted the next day and offered the job, I was incredibly excited an honored, but I knew it was something to seriously think about.
I have a great job now and work with people who have become some of my closest friends. It's a great environment and I have learned so much from my experiences there. When Wine to Water called to offer me the position, I knew I had a lot to think about. After praying over it and talking with a few close friends, I knew without a doubt that by taking this position, I would be fulfilling what I am being called to do right now. The moment I realized that, so many doubts and uncertainties that I'd been dealing with all made since. I have been given this opportunity because at the end of the day, changing someones life is more important to me than having a hefty bank account. I now know why I stayed in Boone even when I was given opportunities to move to places that I hold close to my heart. I am here to serve a purpose and right now, this is it. I am so excited to start and to do my part in helping change lives around the world. If you haven't checked out Wine to Water, I strongly encourage you to visit: www.winetowater.org The effect their work has on the lives they touch is truly remarkable and inspiring.
"And who's to say it's wrong
And who's to say that it's not right
Where we should be for now..." The Fray
Last week I e-mailed my friend, Annie Clawson to ask if I could meet with her to get information on starting a non-profit. It has been a goal of mine for sometime now to start an organization that raises money and awareness for ovarian cancer research. Annie works for an organization called Wine to Water. If you watched the news, particularly CNN at all this year, you've probably heard of it. Annie, and founder Doc Hendley have dedicated their lives to helping solve the water crisis through Wine to Water. It's an incredible organization that I fully and eagerly support. Much to my surprise, my meeting with Annie turned into an interview with her and Doc to discuss the potential of working for the organization. When I was contacted the next day and offered the job, I was incredibly excited an honored, but I knew it was something to seriously think about.
I have a great job now and work with people who have become some of my closest friends. It's a great environment and I have learned so much from my experiences there. When Wine to Water called to offer me the position, I knew I had a lot to think about. After praying over it and talking with a few close friends, I knew without a doubt that by taking this position, I would be fulfilling what I am being called to do right now. The moment I realized that, so many doubts and uncertainties that I'd been dealing with all made since. I have been given this opportunity because at the end of the day, changing someones life is more important to me than having a hefty bank account. I now know why I stayed in Boone even when I was given opportunities to move to places that I hold close to my heart. I am here to serve a purpose and right now, this is it. I am so excited to start and to do my part in helping change lives around the world. If you haven't checked out Wine to Water, I strongly encourage you to visit: www.winetowater.org The effect their work has on the lives they touch is truly remarkable and inspiring.
"And who's to say it's wrong
And who's to say that it's not right
Where we should be for now..." The Fray
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
moving on
It's been a crazy few days, full of transition, major changes and great opportunities. As I look to the next couple of months I have realized that my life is about to change dramatically and I could not be more excited.
I did something a little spontaneous today, but spontaneity has kind of become my things. I booked a trip to NYC for the last weekend in Feburary. This trip will mark a couple of a major milestones for me. First, it will be exactly one year and a few short weeks after my very first trip to the city. Since that first trip, I've been back multiple time and am convinced that if I never get married, I will be perfectly content being in love with New York. It is a city unlike any other, full of passion and new beginnings. I fall more in love with it every time I visit. During this trip I have also been given the opportunity to meet with an incredible organization that does great things for ovarian cancer research. This meeting will give me the opportunity to sit down and figure out how I can really make a difference for the lives of women in the future who, I hope, will be as fortunate as I was in my battle with cancer. My meeting with the research organization marks the day that I have been cancer free for 10 years! What a great way to celebrate!
My hope is that everyone would find the things in life that they are most passionate about, the things that literally make them come alive and chase them with everything they have in them. Always take advantage of the opportunity.
"I'm moving onward as another chapter unfolds..." Weekend Excursion
Saturday, January 9, 2010
the best of what's around
This is pure happiness. I'm sitting here with my dear friend Amanda discussing our day over a glass of wine while a live Dave concert plays in the background. She's rolling out dough for tomorrow morning's croissants and I'm playing with her black lab, Sophie. Good friends, live music, baking, wine and a dog...it really doesn't get much better than that.
With that said, I encourage you, because I for one forget too easily, to take a breath and enjoy what's around RIGHT now. By all means, make plans, have dreams and chase them, but don't forget to enjoy the present. This is the only time you're in it and you'll never get it back again. Cheers!
"And if nothing can be done, we'll make the best of what's around..." Dave Matthews Band
With that said, I encourage you, because I for one forget too easily, to take a breath and enjoy what's around RIGHT now. By all means, make plans, have dreams and chase them, but don't forget to enjoy the present. This is the only time you're in it and you'll never get it back again. Cheers!
"And if nothing can be done, we'll make the best of what's around..." Dave Matthews Band
Friday, January 8, 2010
everclose
Happy 2010, friends! I had a great conversation with three wonderful people New Years Eve that gave me the idea to start a blog. I'm very much in a great time of transistion in my life and I'm really seeing the importance of being still until I am TOLD to make my next move.
So, I'll start my first entry by sharing a few things. This year has been filled with it's fare share of overwhelming and heartbreaking moments, however, through each of those experiences certain people in my life step in and show me God's grace. I've learned that life is not necessarily about specific experiences, but the people that you surround yourself with to create them.
On a final note, each entry title will be the song title of whatever I'm feeling at the moment or just enjoy. This one: "Everclose" by Matt Wertz
"Your love abounds."
So, I'll start my first entry by sharing a few things. This year has been filled with it's fare share of overwhelming and heartbreaking moments, however, through each of those experiences certain people in my life step in and show me God's grace. I've learned that life is not necessarily about specific experiences, but the people that you surround yourself with to create them.
On a final note, each entry title will be the song title of whatever I'm feeling at the moment or just enjoy. This one: "Everclose" by Matt Wertz
"Your love abounds."
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